DUnno ...

This word .. i dunno .. today .. it gives me the feelings of insecure .. a feeling of pain n sadness .. especially in this question .. 

I DUNNO ~

Wat a weekend ..

Weekend was sorta great i guess .. Yesterday .. i slp till 3 something in the afternoon .. too tired i guess ..
bout 5 something 6 in the evening, Andrew Chan and Calvin Ang come to kampar .. of course .. meow n mei come back as well ..

Went for photoshoots in the Westlake Garden .. was photoshoots by 2 photographer .. 1 is Andrew Chan .. another is Calvin Ang .. a pro photographer .. was kinda happy thou ..

thou i felt weird as a lot of ppl joggin n looking .. pretty scary ..well .. i haven see the pics yet .. hope it come out well .. hahah ...

Sunday .. today .. went to Kuala Kangsar .. for some bike jamboori .. so damn hot .. n the place .. is packed with Malays .. hahah .. got some chinese la .. but majority .. Malays .. all bikes n antique cars .. some very nice air brush .. looks like Mr. Bean's car ,, haha .. the bikes were awesome .. minus the scooters ..
Wat i meant is the Harley Davidsons .. they were AWESOME !! haha .. 

anyway .. we went back after shoot the bikes and meow get her client .. then we cabut to KFC ! haha ..

the time we headed back to kampar was around 2 something .. din get nap nap .. bathed BB ..

then had her on my lap .. till she slps .. haha .. was movie-ing .. thinkin of dancing so much ~ went to watch some pole dancing videos ..

and i can say .. byebye to pole dancing... so sad .. so many moves that i nt sure whether i able to do it ..

Sitting down in front of my notebook .. waiting for my hair to dry .. while wrtitin down my cookin list for tmr anniversary dinner .. cant wait .. i wanted to cook all Baby's fav .. well at least one of it .. hehe .. 

3 more hours .. cant wait .. is gonna be 12am .. is gonna be 26 April 2010 .. my one year anniversary with Baby .. just cant wait .. hehe

Wondering ..

Goin off to Kuala Kangsar soon .. to some Motorshow Jambori something .. With Andrew Chan, Calvin Ang, Meow Meow, Mei n Vincent Tan ..

Very tired .. have not been sleeping whole nite .. very worried .. baby have nt been replyin my msgs .. msgs din go thru .. call also cant go thru .. makes me worry more ..

He say will talk to me later after the party or something... waited .. but he din call back ..

just wanted to sms or call .. to wish him good nite and tell him bout my photoshooting .. and everything .. just wanted say how much i miss him .. n to wish him good nite ..

but msgs wasnt delivered .. phone was off .. low batt i guess ..

i m just worried .. gtg now .. off to Kuala Kangsar ..

All bout loving you - Bon Jovi

Even my music player is playin me .. randomly playin .. yet this song appears on the next song list and being played 3 times now .. in an hour .. 

Tis song reminds me a lot of u .. all the memories we had .. how u sing tis song to me when i was sleepin .. and tis song .. makes me remind myself how much i do miss u .. how much i wanted u to be here .. and how much i do love u now .. 

Tears almost flow out listenin to this song .. so silly of me .. i not sure whether do this song meant anything more to u .. but watever it is ..

Dedicate this song .. to baby n myself .. 

All bout loving you - Bon Jovi

Looking at the pages of my life
Faded memories of me and you
Mistakes you know I've made a few
I took some shots and fell from time to time
Baby, you were there to pull me through
We've been around the block a time or two
I'm gonna lay it on the line
Ask me how we've come this far
The answer's written in my eyes

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby
We've been to hell and back again
Through it all you're always my best friend
For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do
Tonight I'm gonna find a way

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

You can take this world away
You're everything I am
Just read the lines upon my face
I'm all about lovin' you

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

All about lovin' you

Beautiful lies ..

Sry to my bloggy for leavin u alone for some time .. a lot of things happen ..sad and happy ..

Happy is .. 1st time joinin a pageant n i made it till final .. yes .. my very 1st pageant .. Miss Tourism Perak 2010 .. haha ..betray Penang .. haha 

Lately, there are a lot of things just raised .. a lot of issues ..things tat i hope is not true become true ..
things are so unbelievelable .. dunno why .. but still have to accept the reality ..

Been disappointed a lot lately .. by a close fren .. whom i know n been close with since a year ago .. she bcome someone tat i dun recognize anymore .. nt her looks .. but her attitude .. totally changed .. dun mind if she change to the better .. but she changes to the worst .. so sad ..

Wat can i do as a fren has all been done .. there arent much more to do but only stand by her side when she needs a fren .. that's all i can do ..

This 2 days .. i seriously received a lot of disappointments .. and honestly i dun wan2 believe is true .. as truth really hurts a lot .. well .. but things are to clear to b said is not true .. i have seen it wit my very own eyes .. wat else can i say to lie to myself ..

you have become so pathetic in ur life .. fakin profiles and using them to give comments to urself ? isnt tat a pathetic work ? come one .. wake up .. get ur life back .. stop living in this pathetic life .. and stop living in the life tat u think is suits u but nt even at all .. 

u r just a toy to them .. honestly speaking .. u can never blend into the group .. u felt stupid with us .. but sry to say .. u r worst than dirt in there .. pls wake up .. i really dun wan2 see u learn the lesson the hard way .. i know u cant bare it .. u seriously cant .. n i cant see u reach tat level ..

when the truth is out today .. i really hope tat is not true .. but ur lies are just too beautiful to u till u never realize that there are flaws in it .. we are not stupid .. mayb i m .. but nt others .. they know wat u are doin n wat u tryin to do .. everyone just act dumb ..  

knowin u for so long .. really wish tat everythin is just a lie .. but is not .. the truth is u r lying to us .. to everyone .. u deceive our frenship .. i dunno wat else to believe in u anymore ..

but as a fren .. all i can do is be there for u .. tat's all .. baby tell me nt to care so much .. let u be .. u need to learn .. yes .. i must do so .. but at the same time .. i really wish tat u wont had tat lesson .. as u cant never able to handle it .. to say now .. is all up to u now .. i have ntg more to say ..

u are just a pathetic liar that seeks for attention ..

Gone ..

Wakin up .. with fever back .. headache .. tired of being weak ..

just wanted to ask u a question .. tat y u r forgetting bout me slowly .. just a question ..

yet u assume a scolding .. is just a question .. is it tat hard .. just ruin my days ..

wanted to tell u so so many things ..but i ended up keeping quiet .. promised myself nt to argue anymore wit u  .. anythin i ll just keep it within me ..

i m tryin to change .. cant u see tat ? or mayb u sees it as a lie then ? i just wan a better relationship tat's all ..

I did give u chances to change .. but why cant u now ?

Everytime i change .. u said u hate it .. tat i changes too fast .. but u never understand y i changed ..

u dunno hw the heart hurts .. tat's y i changed .. i dunno wat shall i do anymore ..

Restless ..

Hmm .. all of a sudden .. loneliness without ..

Forgetting bout me slowly .. 

not in any mood now ..

nitez

爱 ..

Bcoz i love u too much ..

I dun mind hurting myself now ..

i ll wait ..

5 April 2010 ...

Sitting outside the class alone .. waiting for the class b4 to come out .. is not time yet ..

Went to gym before tat .. wanted to workout till over my limit yet i cant .. i m just not in the mood to workout .. not in mood to eat at all .. totally lost my appetite now .. but wont u care ?

I dun wan2 know the truth.. at all .. now i m in the dillema whether to trust u anymore anot .. to u .. i m always assuming ..

U told me last nite that u were at a girl's place .. for the whole day .. only u and the gal with her family .. do u know tat .. it actually stabbeed rite thru my heart .. i felt the every pinch of it ..

Just now jess told me .. tat u wasnt with the gal alone .. there are other frens there .. do u think i ll believe .. is just ur reason .. reason to cover ur guilt .. even if is true as u ll say .. u should have told me last nite .. but u din .. all u ever mention was u n the gal ..

Since now .. the gal is more important than me .. what else can i do .. u ll say stop assuming .. how can i assume when u cant even answer my questions when i ask u is tat gal now more important than me.. m i still in ur heart and do u still love me .. u cant even answer tat ..

I not assuming something with is not seen by me .. u make is so visible to me tat i cant stop thinkin bout the truth .. it really hurts ..

U r now revenging back on me .. but u make it double the price .. u hurt me more now .. more than last time .. more than the pain u felt ..

I m just too hurt now .. this is the 1st time tat i really get distracted .. i really dun wan my imaginations runs wild .. but i really dun wan2 know the truth .. the truth that hurts me so badly .. i dun wan2 know what u n tat gal been doin in her house at all .. it really freaks me out .. i dun wan to know at all .. wat u two have been doin ..

It might sounds like an accussation to u .. but i m sry to say .. this is how i m feelin now .. this is wat u showin to me now .. it really hurts .. too much .. for me to handle ..

I really wanted to end eveything even my life now .. so tat this heart wont suffer .. but i cant just let go of u .. is too painful for me to let go of u .. too much .. u make me fall in love for u again n yet u turn over hurting me back .. so deeply ..

Is it all the efforts u make n asking me for a second chance in our relationship is just a strategy in ur plan of revenging back on me ? Is it ur plan of making me fall in love back to u deeply and then hurt me back ? I dun understand anymore ..  not anymore .. makin me love so so deeply and on the other hand .. u hurts me ..

I dun understand anymore .. all i wan to know .. whether I m in ur heart ..  wat is our relationship to u now .. izzit the calling of Baby to me is just a calling ?

I just cant let go of u anymore .. n i dun think i can bare the pain n tears if we put a fullstop in our story .. all i wan is make up fpor the relationship and just be wit u ..

Am i not good enuf for u anymore ? Am i no longer important to u? Am i no longer deserve anymore love from u?

20 more days ... 笑是 ? 我不会了 ..

Blurred ..

One word now .. heart broken .. tis is the 2nd time i cried so much .. so badly .. n i believe is the worst .. this heart was hurt too much .. 

I know i shouldn't cry so much .. but the heart cant take it anymore .. is broken .. into tiny bits .. is too weak now ..  Well .. bcoz of tat .. i m paying for it now ..

My visions are blur now .. even with the tears drops .. even how i wash my contact .. n even if i m wearin specs  now .. yes .. my visions gone blurred .. i guess tis is the payment .. Hope the payment ll settled by tmr morning ..

U can have all the revenge u wan now and since u are revengin double the price .. Wat can i do .. but just let it be ..

A trip down to the lane of memories ..

Gone to KL .. from the 1st April .. the Thursday nite .. till today .. 4th April .. i m back to Kampar .. a place fills with memories of u ..

Goin down KL was hesitated by me .. to go or not to go .. promised i wont bother u .. as u wan the whole weekend for urself .. went down to buy my heels .. which i wanted u to choose it so badly ..

In KL, stayed at Suren's place .. with Alicia .. yet u dunno tat i was there .. is was hurtin me so deeply inside .. Misses u badly .. wan2 see u badly ..

I din request to stay wit u .. all i wan is a just a hug from u .. seeing u even for a minute is more than i could ask .. all i wan is to see u n get a hug from .. tat's all .. can say .. so near yet so far from u ..

went to midvalley today .. passed the pet wonderland .. reminds me of the memories we had .. back to kampar .. reminds me much more of the moments we had together .. where else can i go .. goin back Pg ? I cant.. i dun think i can control my emotions anymore .. i might just break down when i sees my parents .. just lidat .. there is no more place for me to go ..

My place in ur heart has been replaced .. or mayb not .. but my seat has shifted .. no longer tat important anymore .. tis really hurts .. i wanted to b tough .. yet is so hard .. standin strong is just all fake .. i m still weak inside .. i still need u ..

I know i m harsh to u durin our arguements yesterday ... today i just wan2 call n apologize and make up for it ..is it so hard .. u dun even wan2 pick up my calls .. u cancelled my calls n u swtich off ur phones ..

Izzit u wan2 heard the news from my frens sayin that something bad happened to me only then u ll call back n answer my call .. is tat wat u wan ? is tat wat u wished for ..

i feel like saying this .. 陈欣宜今天死了 .

KL Shoppin ..

Been around KL.. with Alicia, Suren and also a new fren from UK, Myra (i think tis is how her name spelled) .. travellin around by KTM was not as fun as LRT as we got packed like sardins n worst .. it is slow !!

 No so packed already .. 

My krispy crazed .. 

 Alicia's new york Cheese

Krispy Kream .. DONUTS !!!

 THe lights at Ted Baker .. where the dress cost Rm700++

The paper windmilss decoration at Kate Spade

My Fried Asam Laksa

My new heels .. 

My new lipgloss from Elianto

The books i read durin in the train .. 

The food directory from MidValley ..

My jaw breaker sweets .. haha