Bad mood ..

I am so tired lately .. so stress ..

and today ..

i am so not in the mood ..

i don't know why .. maybe i am too tired ..

maybe i am stress out ..

Yes .. i admit i m stress .. just i don't show it out ..

I wanted to cry now so badly .. i feel like breaking down .. cried my heart out .. 

Hope it can make me feel better ..

but i cant .. i must not break down .. baby will be sad .. and worst .. he will be getting frustrated more .. since he is too loaded and stress with his moral campaign and sort of things .. so i have to keep it ..

I will not break down .. i will be strong ..

Frustrated !

I don't understand what is the matter with you lately .. i wanted to know so badly .. u been sleeping a lot and yet you still so tired .. it's like you are not yourself at all at times .. i get worried bout that .. 

Felt so frustrated tonight .. hate going to bed with this mood .. hate it so much .. am i wrong or what ?

You are the one saying that you just want lye down on the bed and not sleeping .. a while later you just dozed off .. you said if anything wake you up .. supposed to wait for Navin call for yam cha .. yes is his fault to call so late for yam cha .. but you should have told him earlier that if is too late make it next time .. you don't have to wait for others to call you only then you respond and make a move .. 

I tried to woke you up .. you eventually did .. and also a kick from the knee on my head but you don't even care bout the pain and you slept back .. i felt so angry yet hurt that time .. went back to my assignment but i guess my mood just puff~ gone.. i woke you up the second time again and ask you to go back to room and sleep.. i tried to sleep too but the frustration in me just make me awake .. 

came out the room just to get my anger off writing blog.. you came out asking me don't want to sleep i said a while .. asking me am i angry at you was a silly question.. think it yourself .. you went back into the room with your temper .. a few minutes later you come back out throwing your keys and wallet to the table .. hate it when you do that .. again with your temper .. how could you do that ? throwing the wallet i gave to you just like that .. it hurts ... seeing your temper at me .. hurts double the pain ..

then you said let's go yam cha .. i just answered i don't want to go anymore .. i am tired .. it was earlier planned that i wanted to do my assignment and just let you have your boys night out .. you walked off with anger again ~ i just told you i wanted to go to sleep just because you are sleeping on the floor in the living room .. i felt bad seeing my Baby sleeping on the floor waiting for me .. 

But again .. you showed me your temper .. throwing the keys to the table again .. i hate it ~ i have my temper too .. but i did not show it .. i just keep myself shut .. don't want to have any arguments .. 

am i wrong to think for your own good ? i am so afraid that you will lost of friends with your this attitude and temper .. i just don't want to see my Baby without friends .. alone with no friends .. am i wrong to think this ?

i just really hate it tonight .. sleeping with a very bad mood .. hurt~

A wrapped up ...

It's 3.50am in the morning now .. yes .. i am still wide awake.. i know i should be doing my assignment right now or even studying for Moral mid term this Sunday.. but I m not doing anything as planned right now .. i just don't have the mood now .. 

Weeks have passed since the beginning of this short semester .. It's already week 5 now .. time really do flies when you don't realize about it .. A lot of things happened these past weeks .. 

Yup .. the saddest was i lost my beloved phone which i exchange with Dad.. It's not because i lost the phone, it was because of all those contacts in my phone n also all my pictures which reminds me of the time n memories i have with my friends and Baby .. i lost everything of that in just a few minutes .. I hated the person who took my phone away and not being a good guy and return it to me .. how i ever wish that one day he will lost his phone and he will never get it back .. hope it can be a good lesson for him to learn.. 

Well, 3 November is over .. I am 21 now .. i not so sure whether am i happy or not being 21 .. i am happy .. for my 21st birthday was being celebrated together with my Baby and all my friends, with a great surprises too .. the best .. i celebrated my 21st birthday with Baby too .. we both have a great time at our party .. thou we were both down by Navin and the rest for the so called 21 second which is actually a total of 25 second.. thanks to Bani for that.. Baby and I got hung over the next day .. we don't really recall how we get back home .. but all i know is .. i got a presentation the next day .. Great ~

Being 21.. is something that i always wanted to become when i was younger .. but as time passed and as i getting nearer to become a young adult .. i suddenly felt scare and reluctant to ..i  felt that i don't want to become 21 years old young adult .. as when i am 21 .. there is no more being a little girl for me .. there is no more being mischievous and i cannot being who i always am anymore .. the playful girl .. i do have and must start thinking more of  responsibilities and being matured .. i don't want to being so adult .. i just want to be myself ..

Now birthday party is over .. back to the study time .. as usual n as always .. short semester is always pack with tons of assignment datelines .. study is getting tougher and tougher each semester .. like this semester ,, i have no confident at all in Creative Strategy and also for Culture n Communication .. what am i gonna do ? Is not easy for me to pull up my CGPA last semester and i wouldn't want it to drop again .. two more weeks to the end of the semester .. then here come the study break and then final exam .. then it's time to greet the semester break .. which i don't really want to welcome that much .. 

I hate myself every time the thoughts of semester break is coming and after that beginning of the new semester next year January .. it makes me sad .. all the time .. because .. next semester .. will be Baby's last semester .. he will be graduating soon as i can count to .. i know i shouldn't be sad or thinking in such way .. i should be happy that Baby is graduating .. but i m just can't stop myself .. i hate it every time Baby mention bout his last semester and graduation .. i don't know what will i do when Baby is not around with me like now he always do .. i don't know whether can i be strong and hold myself up when Baby is not around me by my side all the time when i needed him .. i am not able to stand on my own and become independent .. i know if i cry or i sad .. Baby will feel bad .. he will be very sad to me in this way .. i shall not shed any tears and shall not let Baby worry bout me .. I will try my very best to stand on my own and be strong when Baby is not by my side.. 

Baby i promise u .. i will ..