Sometimes, life is full disappointment when at the time you least expected it..
So many things happened in a day.. in just a day.. everything around me just bring me down..
give me loads of surprises.. surprises least to be expected and least to be what i wanted..
give me loads of surprises.. surprises least to be expected and least to be what i wanted..
i guess all i ever dreamed of coming back to Penang, faster get the hell of Kampar, was solely just a mistake..
Everything i dreamed of, was so perfect.. but then, when i m back here, to place i miss the most, i realized...
things are the other way round.. yes, dream is always a dream.. and it's just me.. the only one who haven't wake up from the dream.. or should i say, reluctant to wake up..
If i know, that coming back to Penang things will all change.. I would rather stay back in Kampar.. crying myself to sleep and suffer like hell.. if to compare to all the disappointed and all the feelings i having now.. it's thousand times worst..
Baby changed.. i felt the love changed once i m back to Penang.. it freaks me out.. i dunno what have i done wrong.. i have feelings inside me playing in my heart and thoughts playing in my mind.. it's so confusing.. i m scare that you will say the words again.. so many thoughts running in my mind.. what is going on between us.. what happened between us? Why are you treating me so cold one day and then the next day everything seems just fine? I hate all this feelings and thoughts I am having now..
Back home, I thought it would be a place.. a place that would give me love and peace that i have been missing .. or so I thought.. what's the point having life myself..everything is planned.. nothing is planned MY way.. all I want for and all i wished for .. is just Christmas and New Year together with the one I love.. but why, there are so many obstacles for me? Haven't I been through enough for the past 3 years? Or haven't I ? Am i still the little girl in your eyes? That things must be planned for me.. i m not a puppet.. or this is so i felt..
Last night, i made up my mind, that once i have enough money I will get myself out from that house.. a house that so called home.. I will get daddy and mummy out too.. I will just take the thought that I no longer have a brother.. Last night, I felt i totally lost my one and only brother.. He breaks my heart and he tarnished "my brother" 's image that i have been keeping in me.. All just because of his "devoted" wife and daughter in law..
I couldn't believe myself when he come home with that question last night. Even daddy was shock. It's just a small matter and it's not even a problem at all. Why she want to complain to brother. How ignorance and selfish she is! She never did respect daddy and mummy as the parents in law.. who she thinks she is.. talking away my brother from us..
I couldn't believe myself when he come home with that question last night. Even daddy was shock. It's just a small matter and it's not even a problem at all. Why she want to complain to brother. How ignorance and selfish she is! She never did respect daddy and mummy as the parents in law.. who she thinks she is.. talking away my brother from us..
Yesterday, i really felt disappointed and heart broken.. I felt i have lost a bro and the guy i love.. how i wish yesterday never happened.. and i m still in my perfect dreams of mine.. not to waking up to the horrible reality..
